Conversations the key to engagement and productivity

27 September 2011 8:24am

Every interaction with a team member can potentially build engagement and productivity - provided managers have sound conversational skills, says communication expert Dr Hilary Armstrong.

What many people don't realise, she says, is that, "conversation is not just a means to building relationships; it's the end in itself. In the talking, we connect and relate and build connections and relationships".

"In other words, we don't talk about relationships - the talk is the relationship."

Conversation is the key to organisational effectiveness, but "it's a dying art", says Armstrong, the director of education at the Institute of Executive Coaching.

"We are not taught how to conduct an effective conversation at any time in our education. Few people know what makes a conversation effective, let alone how to encourage one. How many times do you leave a conversation thinking, 'That didn't go well', or, 'What happened there?'"

And an increasing reliance on technology has made effective conversations even more of a rarity.

"We have learnt from necessity to squeeze our messages into a quick email, a two-paragraph executive summary, or a 15-second sound bite. Along the way, we have lost the ability to engage in meaningful, and therefore effective, conversations."

Effective conversations

According to Armstrong, an effective conversation "is one in which there's a feeling of openness; an open flow of meaning between people, in other words".

Empathy is vital, she adds. Managers need to be able to pick up on other people's emotions and demonstrate "mental flexibility - the ability to put one's self in the other's shoes".

But they also need to understand that the way they deliver a message is just as - if not more - important than the words they say, because the brain picks up non-verbal signals of threat and reward very quickly.

"[The way we converse] is a lot more important than we recognise," Armstrong says, noting that research has found people who receive positive feedback in a critical way show higher stress levels than those who are delivered negative feedback in a constructive way.

This is particularly important during "confronting conversations", which require a high level of empathy, self-awareness and emotional self control.

"We need to have self awareness to be familiar with our assumptions, and how we frame and hear others' viewpoints, because if we're jumping to conclusions - if we come into the relationship thinking we're not going to listen to this person or we don't like that person - that is what's going to happen."

These conversations are a skill that can be learned, but Armstrong recommends "preparation and lots of practise".

In practice

Leaders should use different types of conversations for various workplace situations, Armstrong says.

"If you're a leader wanting to inspire others, you should be using the conversational practices of story telling, because we know that the art of telling a story is a way to draw people together and mobilise them," she says by way of example.

Story telling is also useful in mentoring situations, "because the one thing that mentors have to learn is to personalise their stories of experience and share those stories in a way that's helpful to the other person, rather than just telling abstract 'war stories'".

Giving feedback, however, requires a different approach. "The way to give feedback is to invite the other person to join in. If you've observed them doing something in the workplace, first ask them how they think they went, so that they can be part of the conversation, and then ask permission to add your thoughts before asking them to respond again.

"This doesn't make it all soft and warm and fuzzy, because of course when you do give your response you need to be authentic and clear and remember the principles above. Tough love is the thing; it's how you deliver something rather than what you deliver."

Armstrong provides the following tips for improving the quality of workplace conversations:

Listen with interest. "A conversation is a two-way street. By listening to staff, from the most junior to the CEO, you can learn more about them, their opinions and their work, and help them feel a valued member of the team."

Pause and listen before speaking. "Be sure to organise your thoughts before expressing them in order for your message to be understood."

Really talk with others frequently. "Your staff will become accustomed to conversations and be more open about sharing their ideas and opinions."

Realise not all conversations are the same. "Think about the desired outcome and therefore what conversation is required."

Start with building common purpose. "Focus on the common ground between you."

Don't avoid conflict. "If a problem arises, address it before it becomes a bigger issue."

Follow up. "Check to see if clarification is needed and shared goals have been reached."

HR Daily's upcoming events on performance management include a session dedicated to "courageous conversations". Click here for details.

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